A ball of blah

I ate a cheeseburger, fries and wings today. It's the first time in a long time I felt guilty as I was eating. Why do I keep making these choices? I have to lose 45 pounds. I feel the beginning of a hard unhealthy lifestyle. I don't want that. I'm on my way to work and will be grabbing a salad and going to the gym after. I feel so weak. Last week I ate pounds of Easter candy. Ugh. I don't want health problems. I don't I don't I don't

On another note I kinda want to delete some fb friends. Is that bad?! Some won't be hard at all to do but a couple will be painful. By deleting them I need to delete friends of them too. Eesh. How did fb rule our social world?! And why do I care?! I've been deleted from a few. Ehh. I've even thought of creating a new profile and adding my close friends so I don't have to delete anyone. Why don't I have the balls to cut toxins out of my life?!

The only positive thing right now is I've been attempting to make new jewlery. The image in my head isn't coming through in my actual creations. O the challanges

Remember when I took 5 full days to clean out my apartment? Well it's back to shit. I have to get it together. Man o man



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Fool me once...

I kinda think some people are shitty. I had a friend reach out to me and then got ignored when I went to grab her hand. So I layed low. She reaches again and here I am with my arm out and nothing. Seriously?! Lessoned learned.

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Lemons

What a start to a new decade. I had the intention to lose weight in a non aggressive way. My strength was tested when I was gently told I don't have the svelt body the "company" is looking for to open a new property. I'm the best in the company but they are looking for a specific type. After several hours of tears and anger I decided I will lose the weight and I will lose it more aggressively. I'm going to make lemonade out of lemons!!!

So here I am 7 am on my way to tiger. Sensai sensed something was wonky and isn't letting me get cozy and plant poision ivy around my newly constructed wall. I haven't gone too crazy yet... I'm trying to find my voice.

I started assistant teaching at an AMAZING studio in tribecca. That's inside the city!!!! Staring at my body from all angles again put things in perspective. Is the pizza and burger and wings and cold stone really worth it!? Well yes... But not the way I've been abusing it. So here I am once again searching for the balance

I was told if you're not willing to do it for the rest of your life then find a new way. It's helping me not go crazy with my "health" habits.

We got through the night without junk food. We had boring ckn and broc. We each has 2 small squares of dark chocolate and popcorn. It was so hard but we did it!!! We busted the wall down

I also reconnected with an amazing person. She is so positive it always helps to motivate me!

Lemonade!!!! And it's delicious!!!

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It's time to talk

So you know you're at your lowest when your trainer (in my case sensai) tells you that he has to weigh you and put you on a program. Rock bottom. I have trained every day this week ( so what it's only Tuesday.... That's two days more than las week). I'm becoming more conscious of what I eat. I think I'm finding a healthy groove. I love love love my wii fit plus!!! So awesome!! And it's fun to do and you're panting at the end! Lots of changes happening. Cleaned out the apartment. Like every nook and corner is cleaned and refreshed. Big year ahead. Changes at work (fingers crossed). So raise your gallen jug of water you've been drinking out of all day and cheer " hears to the feather!"


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Pain

Day after my first workout in too many months and every muscle has woken and now screaming like a newborn. Sensai kicked my butt for real. I feel so good today despite not moving well. My spirit is up and my brain is active. And I passed on the mac and cheese at lunch. Lentils instead. It's going to be a hard road but I'm ready now. I'm starting slow. I'd like to lose 30 by April. Too ambitous? I like a challenge. Thankfully I no longer crave the wings from chirping chicken. I could go for their cheeseburger. Babysteps. I haven't given in to temptation yet. Day 1 offically down. Off the couch


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