Ugh

Ugh I just ate the most disgusting food ever. Ugh I immediately feel like a blob. It's moments like this that reminds me why I want to be my fittest, healthiest me.
I haven't been working out this week because of my tattoo. Next week it is on!!! Yoga and gym EVERY day. And eating only delicious cooked by me foods. Ugh I feel ill.

So I had a drink at this bday dinner thing for a friend of a friend and was schooled about how a womans choice of finger nail polish affects her ENTIRE career. People will judge your capability on the color of your nails. REALLY?

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Feathers are sacred messengers between heaven and earth and are symbols of spiritual and emotional freedom. Ordinary yet mystical objects they have the power


to guide and inspire. Wear your feather as a reminder to find your own wings and fly higher than ever before.


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Suzy homemaker

I was raised the way many southern and italian girls were. Women cooked and cleaned and smiled and were serene. They keep their home nice and tidy and always have food prepared and backup prepped and leftovers and something baking.ALWAYS.
well I live in NYC and am independent and work 2 jobs and a jewlery line and a dance company and I have a life.
Buuuuutttt......
There is no excuse. So who cares? So do half this city who also have pets and kids and stay a size 4/6.
For the simple reason that he works super hard and deserves it am I trying to change my habits. He does sooooooo much for us and me alone I can prepare a few meals a week (remember we live in NYC a few is alot) and keep the apt nice and neat.
I love him.
So I will try to be the best housewife in Astoria!


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Moments

I did a month of bikram. Wow. It has the intensity of tiger but calmness of yoga. Your body changes to the shape of the practice in a matter of a couple weeks.
My question is bikram or hot yoga? Hot yoga nutures and bikram kicks your ass.

We have 12 weeks til Bermuda and my goal is to drop about 25 pounds. I'm trying to accept the fact that I HAVE to do cardio EVERY day. It's what my body type and love for food requires. I guueess I could alter my love of food but that wouldn't be fun. I've created a menu that I'm sticking to for the next 12 weeks. Simple and I even throw in a couple yummy non care options.
I'm learning if most of your overall meals for the week (35 total if you do 5 small daily) super healthy then you can enjoy a dolop of sour cream (full delicious fat kind) with your turkey taco salad. And then there is pasta night. And yes I mean white pasta with a delicious vodka sauce.
Eat super star for 25-30 of your weekly meals and then allow delicious moments!!!! I think I'm finally tapping into some balance! Whoohoo this is truly a good moment!!!!


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A ball of blah

I ate a cheeseburger, fries and wings today. It's the first time in a long time I felt guilty as I was eating. Why do I keep making these choices? I have to lose 45 pounds. I feel the beginning of a hard unhealthy lifestyle. I don't want that. I'm on my way to work and will be grabbing a salad and going to the gym after. I feel so weak. Last week I ate pounds of Easter candy. Ugh. I don't want health problems. I don't I don't I don't

On another note I kinda want to delete some fb friends. Is that bad?! Some won't be hard at all to do but a couple will be painful. By deleting them I need to delete friends of them too. Eesh. How did fb rule our social world?! And why do I care?! I've been deleted from a few. Ehh. I've even thought of creating a new profile and adding my close friends so I don't have to delete anyone. Why don't I have the balls to cut toxins out of my life?!

The only positive thing right now is I've been attempting to make new jewlery. The image in my head isn't coming through in my actual creations. O the challanges

Remember when I took 5 full days to clean out my apartment? Well it's back to shit. I have to get it together. Man o man



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Fool me once...

I kinda think some people are shitty. I had a friend reach out to me and then got ignored when I went to grab her hand. So I layed low. She reaches again and here I am with my arm out and nothing. Seriously?! Lessoned learned.

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Lemons

What a start to a new decade. I had the intention to lose weight in a non aggressive way. My strength was tested when I was gently told I don't have the svelt body the "company" is looking for to open a new property. I'm the best in the company but they are looking for a specific type. After several hours of tears and anger I decided I will lose the weight and I will lose it more aggressively. I'm going to make lemonade out of lemons!!!

So here I am 7 am on my way to tiger. Sensai sensed something was wonky and isn't letting me get cozy and plant poision ivy around my newly constructed wall. I haven't gone too crazy yet... I'm trying to find my voice.

I started assistant teaching at an AMAZING studio in tribecca. That's inside the city!!!! Staring at my body from all angles again put things in perspective. Is the pizza and burger and wings and cold stone really worth it!? Well yes... But not the way I've been abusing it. So here I am once again searching for the balance

I was told if you're not willing to do it for the rest of your life then find a new way. It's helping me not go crazy with my "health" habits.

We got through the night without junk food. We had boring ckn and broc. We each has 2 small squares of dark chocolate and popcorn. It was so hard but we did it!!! We busted the wall down

I also reconnected with an amazing person. She is so positive it always helps to motivate me!

Lemonade!!!! And it's delicious!!!

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